


Goodbye Letters

by alexandra_cavanaugh



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, F/M, Sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-06-26 17:22:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19772908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexandra_cavanaugh/pseuds/alexandra_cavanaugh
Summary: Natasha did in fact, say goodbye.Five times.Just not in person.OR the 5 letters that Natasha left for the team were she said goodbye.(To Sam, Wanda,Clint, Steve and James)(Bonus: Steve's letter to Natasha)





	1. Sam Wilson

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my way of bringing some kind of closure to Natasha's death. In this, she's with Steve and James is their baby, because that's what we deserved in Endgame.  
> If you want me to include another character to write a letter about, let me know in the comments.  
> English is not my first language so please forgive me for any grammatical mistakes. I'm trying my best here.  
> Please let me know what you think in the comments or leaving kudos!  
> Enjoy the history.

Sam,

Hey buddy, I know you probably weren’t expecting this, but you know I’m full of surprises, don’t you? Anyway, I’m writing this because I needed to say goodbye. 

Yes, I let you a letter even though I don’t even know if you’re gonna read it, but I’m pretty sure you are going to do it, so it’s better that you pay attention because I’m about to become a little sentimental.

Since the first day that we met, I knew you were a good person. After all, Steve did trusted you, although God knows that that guy trust everybody. When you let us stay in your house, I totally put you on my good list, and since then I have always trusted and believed in you.  
But the two years that we were on the run with Steve, you became so much closer to me, you became my brother. You always had my back, and I always had yours, because you were one of the few persons that didn’t judge me, that didn’t think of my past as a risk or that didn't look at me as if I could betray you in any moment. 

You accepted me Sam, without seconds thoughts, without rare stares and without fear in your eyes. You were there with me when I didn’t know how I feel, when I was scared of love, of letting my feelings out, of accepting that I wasn't just a weapon that everyone could use, that all of you really cared about me, that I didn't need to run away of this thing that we called home. You gave me something that I never thought I could have. A family. You opened a door for me. For Steve. You didn't care about the superhero part. You cared about us. About Natasha, that women that used to talk to you about everything, that helped you to cook even when she didn't have a clue of what she was doing, the one that pretended to not see you when you were crying in the night. The one that became your sister. That’s what I’m doing this. Because you deserve a second chance. If there is a way to have my family back I’m going to do everything, everything in my power to bring all of you to life again. Don’t doubt that.

Please, take care of Wanda and my boys. I know you probably are just meeting James but I know I couldn't have left him in better hands that yours. You know we thought about you being his godfather? You and Wanda, of course. After all, James is already named after Barnes. 

You know that if was any other way I wouldn’t have left him and Steve. Trust me, it hurts me just thinking about it. But I know they are going to be okay. All of you. Please Sam, don’t let Steve alone, help him. And please, remember him that I love him, and that wherever I am, I am always looking for them. For the love of my life and my little baby. 

I love you, you are my family. You are going to be good too. You are strong. I am never forgetting everything you did for me. I am this person now thanks to all of you. I can go in peace thanks to all of you. I am happy because I can bring my family back. Do something good for the world. Please, don’t forget about me, the redhead, the pain in the ass that became your sister,

Nat.


	2. Wanda Maximoff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there! Here's chapter two. If you want to add another character to the list, please don't forget to leave a comment.  
> Leave kudos and comments if you like my work please! It means a lot to me.

Wanda, 

Hey kiddo. I know, it’s been some years since the last time we spoke. You probably don’t feel the five years that had passed but I have lived every day since then trying to find a way to have you all back. And now, apparently we found it. 

It’s gonna be hard, you know? Leave all of you. I know that you have lost more that anyone here. That’s one of the reasons why am doing this. Because you deserve a second chance Wanda, you deserve to live. To know the world. You deserve to see the good part of it. I know life has been so hard on you, that you had to carry so much pain alone that all this time with you all I did was try to make it a little easier on you. I didn't want you having the same hate for life that I had at your age. I'm sorry that we didn't have enough time to do all the things that I wanted to do with you. I know that you deserve to be a kid, to enjoy all that things that were taken from you so early. 

I’m gonna tell you something. When we met, your eyes told me everything. You were so young, are still so young and you already have lost more things that anyone. But that is what make me admire you since then. Wanda, you are the stronger of the avengers. Not just for your powers, but for the strength that you have to keep going, to not let anything destroy you. You keep fighting for everyone, for everything.

You were so sweet and caring with me when you didn’t have to. After the accords you understood me and listened to me without fear and you keep treating me so well, you don’t know how much it meant to me. You should be angry with the world, you had all the right to be. But instead you became my little sister. And since that moment I knew that I would do anything for you. Because you, with your pure and kind heart didn't deserve an ounce more of pain. 

I know it’s not gonna be easy, trust me, it’s gonna hurt a lot. And I'm so sorry that I couldn't keep my promise of not causing you more pain. God knows you have lose more than anyone. But you have survived everything that life put you through. And you are going to survive this too. Your soul is one of the most pure and strong that I have the pleasure to know. You know why? Because even when the world judge you and treat you like a monster, you protect them with everything you have. You sacrificed things. You loved, even when you knew it was going to hurt you. You loved me when I thought that I didn't deserve it. You loved me when I thought I was a monster. You loved me like a sister. And you taught me that too. Because I loved you when you thought you were a monster too. I loved you when you believed you were alone. And I will keep loving you сестра. You taught me to fight for things that I cared about. To live my life.  
Well, I’m proud to tell you I’ve had lived my life. Now, It’s time for you to do the same. 

Live, please Wanda, live your life. Enjoy the little things. Eat lunch with the guys, take a walk in the park, laugh a lot. There’s just one thing I ask you. Take care of James, take care of my little son. I know that you missed a lot with Pietro. Well, I think you’re going the best aunt that James could ask for. 

I don't regret my decision, you know why? Because if this brought all of you back, I will do it a thousand times over. You didn’t have the chance to be a kid, Wanda. Take that chance now, and please, live for me. I will never forget the most brave and kind woman that I have the pleasure to call family.

With love, 

Nat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next chapter!


	3. Clint Barton

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey again! It's Clint Barton's turn. Please remember that if you want a letter written to another character not including in the summary you must tell me!  
> If you like this history leave kudos and comments! They are very appreciated.

Clint,

Hey buddy, I hope that when you read this you can be in home with your family. After all, I’m pretty sure they all are coming back after this. 

I know it’s not going to be easy Clint. Trust me, even just writing this I feel like I hadn’t completely grasped the idea of leaving all of you. That I’m not going to see you again. But I’m in peace. Because I know that this is the least that I can do for you after everything that you did for me. You saved me. You gave me something that no one had giving me before. You gave me a chance. You believed in me. If I’m alive in this moment is thanks to you, Clint. I owe you my life. And now I’m only returning the favor.

You were the first person that I trusted. The first person that became family. And now look at us, how far we have lived. You taught me that everyone deserves a second chance. And that is what I’m doing now. I’m giving you a second chance. To redeem yourself, to enjoy your family. They need you and you need them. Please, tell Laura and the kids that I love them, that they are one of the best people I know. They gave me a home and make me a part of their family without a doubt and you don’t even began to imagine how much impact that fact had in my life.

I wouldn't have know what love was if it wasn't for you, for your family. I owe you my life. Because I didn't know that I could make decisions, that I had the power to do what I wanted with my life. You gave me that chance, the chance of living. Of knowing the world outside the red room. I remember so clearly that day, the day you extended your hand for me. The day I choose freedom. The day I became a human again. I wasn't the robot they had programmed anymore. I wasn't a puppet. I was Natasha Romanoff.

And there wouldn't be a Natasha Romanoff without a Clint Barton. 

So, yes Clint, I think since you were the one that teach me that I could take my own decisions, this one is totally on me.

Tell the kids that their auntie Nat did this for them. So they can grow and live their lives. Tell Lila to keep being the strong girl that I know she is, and Cooper that he is one of the bravest boys that I had the pleasure to know. And please, remember Nathaniel that he betray me by not being a girl, but he sure as hell is going to live being named after one of the persons that loved him the most.

I am going to give you and order. And you’re going to fulfill it everyday that you keep breathing. Don’t blame yourself. This wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have done anything.

I made a choice. It was my own choice. 

And even though I know it’s not going to be easy forget whatever we might live there you and I both do what was needed. For your family, for mine and for everyone that didn’t have the chance to make a choice that day.

I can make a choice, I’m making a choice and it’s not your fault. Just like I make my choice the day you saved me, I'm choosing to save you now.

Please, I don’t want you to live the rest of your life with regrets. Do it for me. Don't make me regret giving you this chance. You deserve your second chance just as I had mine. You give it to me so now I'm giving it to you. We both deserved it. I know that now. We both do. 

Take care of everyone and let them take care of you. Please, look after James, I know it may be painful to see him but he needs everyone that he can have. You know that he is my little miracle after all. 

You will always have me. I will always be your best friend. And, of course we will always have Budapest. 

You saved my life once. Now I’m saving yours. Don’t let the sacrifice die. 

Live your life, 

Nat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next chapter!


	4. Steve Rogers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this one is the letter that cost me the most. I tried to reflect the best the relationship between these two characters that I love. I hope I made them justice.   
> Please leave comments and kudos if you liked it!

Steve, 

Hey there, captain. Miss me? 

God, writing this letter as I see you playing with James hurts me more than anything. I can’t even began to imagine what you are feeling right now, because I know I would be feeling the same way if this was the other way around. But hey, one time you say you would trust me to save your life and that’s what I’m doing now. 

The first time I saw you, I was really curious to see how Captain America would turn out to be. And then you smiled at me and I was completely sure you would be part of me. Just that I didn’t imagine you would become such a vital part. 

When we started to work together, as partners I had the opportunity to know the man behind the mask. The Steve that feel out of place in a new world, the one who missed his best friend and who didn’t know a thing about the modern world. The men out of the ice that was scared but didn’t say anything and just put on a mask and become the perfect superhero. But I got to know you as you did with me. You became my best friend and the only person who I could trust besides Clint. 

At the beginning I didn’t let myself feel anything. I repeated every day that love was for childrens. That I only was feeling something because you were almost the perfect man. But I knew that wasn’t truth. Because I knew you. I knew your temper wasn’t as perfect as everybody believed it was. I knew about the nightmares that you had almost every night. I knew your secrets. And soon you knew mines. It wasn’t something that happened one night and then everything was clear. It wasn’t like in those romantic comedies that we saw together when you were learning about the modern world. It was the most scariest revelation that I didn’t want to accept. But it happened. And I slowly accepted that I was in love. And that it was going to hurt because there was not chance that you could love me back. I was a broken person. The result of manipulations and lies. The spy that didn’t know another thing that wasn’t sleep with who it was required to obtain information. I was damaged and Steve Rogers, the one who wanted a family, the one who never give up in anything couldn’t possibly feel the way I was feeling. But I stayed by your side. Even when it looked like it wasn’t I was always by your side. 

When the accords thing happened the only thing that I wanted was to keep the only family I had together. I didn’t want the only thing good in my life, the thing that gave me hope and made me feel like I belonged to something good to fall apart. I tried the best I could but it didn't work. Everything fell apart. And I lost my family. I was divided. Everyone was taking sides. But I couldn’t. My mind was with Tony but my heart has always been with you, Steve. I will always choose you even when it looks like I don’t. That’s the reason I let you and Barnes go in the airport. I knew everything was going to get worse. And I couldn’t lose you. And that was the moment I knew. I would follow you to the end of the earth. Always.

After that I went after you. Because I couldn’t be away for you. We were partners. Best friends. And I couldn’t afford to lose the only person that would understand me. And I found you. And it happened. Sometimes I still think it was a dream. That my mind was playing with me. That you couldn’t fall in love with someone like me. But you loved me.Not the black widow. Not the body. You loved every part of Natasha Romanoff. And that night I felt like maybe the pieces that were broken could heal. Maybe I did have a chance after all. Maybe I wasn’t just someone useful just for missions. Maybe I was worthy. And you made me feel new. You helped me to heal, Steve. And I hope that I helped you too. I know that I haven’t had a nightmare since I sleep with you. And in the rare nights that I get one I don’t wake up alone. You are always there. 

I know that you haven’t had nightmares in a while too. Please, if after this you feel like you are going to have one again, go to James. I will be there with you. Always. Even if you can’t see me. I’m always gonna be there. I’m not leaving you.

When I found out about James. That was one of the best days of my life. I didn’t think it was possible. But then we found out. And I cried. Because maybe life was showing me that I deserved to be happy. I was already happy. But James make me feel something new. A new kind of love. A different love. And I couldn’t be more thankful that I got to live and share this experience with you. Thank you, Steve. For James. For our family. For choosing to stay with me and giving us an opportunity. Thank you, my love. I don’t believe a lot in fate but I know for sure that you are my soulmate.

I know you might not understand this right now. But please, don’t blame anyone. Don’t blame yourself. I know it’s not easy. But do it for me. I might be asking too much, and maybe I’m being selfish but you are not alone. And will never be. Be there for James, he needs you now more than ever. Please, always remind him that his mother loves him more than anything in the world. That he is my little miracle and that I will never let anything happen to him. Wherever I am I will be his guardian angel. Your guardian angel.I couldn’t be more proud to be his mother. Let him remind you of me.You will always have me through him. Always. 

Call it fate, luck, or whatever you want, but if there is one thing I know for sure is that you are the right partner. My right partner. And that wherever I am, I’m going to continue being yours.  
Don’t ever doubt that. I love you. In any place,time or dimension I will always be yours. I will always follow you. I will always love you. You were the one who taught me how to love. 

The heart of Natasha Romanoff, the spy,the agent, the black widow will always belong to one men. This heart and his last beat will be for the ones who saved her. The ones who loved her. For her team, her family. But specially, for the men who never give up on her. For her true love. For Steve Rogers. Not Captain America, not the superhero. The one behind the costume. The one who saw behind my mask. The one who knew Natasha Romanoff, the little girl chased by nightmares, the woman that didn’t believe in love until she find you, the one who cried herself to sleep, the one afraid of her own past. Thank you, Steve. For always believe in me, for never leave me. For love me. I loved our history. The one of the soldier and the spy. The one that is going to be forever.

See you in a minute, my soldier.

Nat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next chapter!


	5. James Rogers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry for the delay. I started the university so I'm a little busy but here is the James chapter! Enjoy it.  
> Please leave kudos and comments if you liked it. It means a lot to me.  
> If you want to know what comes after this, please read the note at the end!

James,

My baby. I know you can’t read this right now but if one day when you are older, you need the comfort of your mother, this letter is always gonna be there for you. As I’m going to be too. Maybe I can’t be there physically but I’m always going to be in your life. I will be your guardian angel my little boy. I will always protect you.

You probably don’t understand why I’m not with you and your dad but I needed to save you. To save our family. Your mother did this for our family. I know it’s going to be difficult. But you have wonderful people that will always look out for you. You have aunts and uncles that will give you the world, my baby. You are my miracle James, the best thing that ever happened in my life. Don't ever doubt that. The one that made me believe in the good of the world again. In the good things. That’s what I did what I had to do. I couldn’t pass the opportunity for families to be back. I couldn't leave so many childrens alone. So many people suffering because of someone selfish. 

When I found out about you I cried a lot. I cried because I couldn’t believe that this could be happening to me. That I was going to be a mother. That I was going to bring a human life to this world. I didn't think I deserved it. I couldn't wrap my head around the idea of being someone's mother. I couldn't believe that I would have the chance of feeling you inside me for nine months. Of being the one who protected you. 

I loved you since that day. I took care of you since that day. My heart was full and I couldn’t wait to see your face. How you would turn out to be. How much would you look like your dad or like me. I was already daydreaming about a little Steve running around or sleeping in my arms. I was already dying of love for you.

But when you were born, all that things that I had imagined weren’t even a little close to what I really felt. I burst out of love for you. For that little face looking at me. Your little fingers that were wrapped around my hand. You were looking at me like if I was something wonderful. And I was whipped for you. You were the most amazing thing in the world. You, the one that I had carried in my womb for nine months. The one who weeks before was giving kicks at night. The one who would move when I sang to you. And you were a part of me. You gave me the honor of being your mother. I can’t be more proud of anything. Since that moment I didn't need anything else from life. I had you and that was everything for me.

When I held you that first night in my arms, I thought that maybe I was dreaming. But you were there. And as you were sleeping I looked at you and I couldn’t imagine my life without you. Without that baby that I carried with fear that I might break you. You changed everything my boy. You made me so happy that right now I feel fulfilled because I had the chance of spending this four years with you. By your side. When you couldn’t sleep because you were hungry. When you pronounced your first word. When you learn to walk. When you call me mommy for the first time. God, that day I feel like I could explode of happiness. All because of you. 

I would have never feel that kind of love. That kind of connection, so different that I felt with everyone else. 

My love for you was something so scary, so new, yet so perfect that I have no words yet to let you know what is like.

James, my heart is full. Because I had the chance to kiss you. To hug you. To love you. 

You are my world James. And I know I’m not going to be there for so many of your first times. And it hurts me. It kills me knowing that I'm not going to be there with you, my boy. But at least I had the chance of being there for you this four years. These years were a miracle. The best years of my life. A gift from life. A way to learn that there is more that pain in the world. That there's magic. That there's love. That there's a chance of happiness.

You are my light little one. You will always be my light. And I’m always gonna be yours. Through our family. Through your dad. Through your heart that will always be connected with mine. Always.

You can talk to me whenever you need darling. I’m going to be there. Don’t ever doubt that. I’m your mother and I will take you with me wherever I’ll go. You are a part of me.

If you need to take a time in the night to look at the stars. You will find me. And I will find you. I will always find you. I'm your guardian angel, baby. I'm going to protect you and love you always. My love for you is never fading. Never, kid. My love for you goes through everything and everyone. No one is going to change that. 

Love you my son. My baby boy. My little miracle. 

My heart belongs to you. 

Love,

Your mommy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, after this chapter there are going to be some surprises and bonus chapters. I'm working on the Tony letter and in some other things that I think you may like! So please if you want to read something or want another character to be written leave a comment!  
> Thanks for all the love and the support.  
> See you next chapter!


	6. Bonus: Steve Rogers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve has something to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Sorry I took so long to add this chapter. It's just that college has kept me very busy and I haven't had time to write.  
> This chapter is the answer of Steve to Natasha's letter so I hope you like what I tried to do here with this.  
> If you have any suggestions or ideas for more bonus chapters feel free to comment!.  
> Also, kudos and comments are very appreciated .  
> Hope you liked it!

Nat, 

I still don’t understand the reason why I’m writing this. I guess it’s because writing to you has become a way to feel you by my side. That the reality is still the same as it was a years ago, that you are still here sleeping right beside me or singing to James so he can sleep or just sitting in the bed reading a book as I draw you. But that’s all I have now, the draws and the memories. Because you're not here anymore. Even when I can't think that without feeling how my heart breaks. 

It’s not enough. It’s never gonna be enough. The memories are not enough, Natasha. Not for me or for James. You can't pretend that we live just with that. We can't. It's impossible. Just trying to do it it's already killing me. You were a part of me, Natasha Romanoff and when you had to go, that part of me went with you. It’s like my heart just lose a vital piece. A piece that it’s not going to be recovered because you were the one that put it there. It's impossible to conceive a reality that you don't make part of. You know why? Because you were my reality. I can't wrap my mind around a world were your presence isn't in every part of me. Every place has you in it. Every object I find makes me think of you. I can't sleep in our room because it has your fragrance all over it.

You were my world, Nat. And I don't know where that leaves me now.

I’m not the same without you because you were more to me that just a love. The world love isn't enough to tell you what you meant to me. What you made me feel.

You were my best friend, my partner. The first person that didn’t look at me like I didn’t belong. The one that was meant to be in my life.

You make me feel things Nat, you make me look at the world in a different way. You taught me so much and I know that there isn’t a more brave, kind and gorgeous soul that yours. There is no one that deserves more good that you.

I loved you in silence for so long that now I feel like I should have yelled my love for you way before. So we wouldn't have lost so much time. Time that I could have spend telling you how much you deserved the world. How you were the best one of us. How much you did for everyone. How you were so selfless with the world but never with yourself. How much you meant for me. For everyone that had the chance of knowing you. Your real self. The most amazing women that I had the pleasure to know. The woman that loved me with all of her heart. The woman that I fell in love with so slowly but so hard at the same time. The woman who gave her life for all of us. The woman that I never got to say goodbye to. The one who never got to hear I love you for the last time. The one who left me without saying to me I love you one last time.  


You might have thought that you didn’t deserve any good things, but I saw you for years Nat, I saw how much you cared about everybody, how you were always trying to keep everyone together, how much you deserved everything good in this world. How much you tried for everyone, even when it hurt you, even when no one else would have done it, even when you were the only one doing it.

I’m sorry Nat. I’m sorry because I didn’t listen to you when you were trying to save our family. I’m sorry because you deserve a lot better that what we gave you. Because you were our family. Are our family. For Wanda, for Sam, for Clint, for Bucky, even for Tony. Everyone is suffering for you. Because everyone loved you. You cared so much for everyone that there is no way to imagine a world were Natasha is not with us. Being the sister of Wanda and Sam, playing with Clint kids, just being there. We really don't know how to continue without you, without the one who kept us going. Without our vital piece. Because even when you didn’t believed it you were loved for all of us. I can even say that you were the glue that kept us together. You were the one that kept me together. 

Yes. The family that you formed. Your family. The one that you fought so hard to bring back. 

And now they are here. But you aren’t, Nat. And that isn’t fair. 

You were the one who never give up. The one who never lost hope. The one who brought them back. And my heart can’t accept that you, the one who made all of this become a reality isn’t here to see it. 

James asks everyday more about you. He also looks a little more like you everyday. I can’t tell him anything. I can’t even look at him without feeling like I’m broke. He keeps calling his mommy and I don't know what to do. Because I kept calling her too. 

You were supposed to be here, Nat. You are his mother. You are the one who deserves seeing him grow more than anyone. He is our little miracle. Our second chance in life. He needs you as much as I do. I need you. God, I need you so much, Natasha Romanoff.

I can’t let you go. If there is one thing that I learned about you is that I’m not giving up. 

Because Steve Rogers needs someone who can understand him. Someone that doesn’t see him as Captain America. As America's golden boy. 

What I’m I supposed to do without you, Nat? How can I continue if you were the one that kept me going? Who am I going to talk in the middle of the night when I’m having nightmares? Who is going to tell me how bad of an undercover agent I am? Who is going to celebrate every little thing that James does? Who is going to talk with me without thinking that I'm perfect? Who is going to make jokes and sing with me in the kitchen? Who is going to talk with Wanda and cook with Sam? Who is going to tell me when I'm being an irrational pain in the ass? 

Who is going to love me as much as you did it, Natasha Romanoff? 

I’m not letting you go yet. Not when everyone here needs you. Not when you didn’t want to go. Not when your biggest wish was to see James grow up. Not when you still have so much to do.

I’m bringing you back Nat. I’m returning the stones and I’m going to bring you home, my love. I’m going to.

It’s been more than a minute now, darling.

I will see you again,

Steve.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next chapter!


	7. Note

Hey! This is just to let you know that I have edited some of the chapters to correct some mistakes and add little things that I think were missing in them, so If you want to you can re-read it or not. It wasn't a big of a change but I did add some things. The next chapters are going to be some bonus like Tony, Pepper and Nick Fury, if you have someone else in mind let me know so I can add them.  
I'm going to take a little longer with the next chapters because of college and some other things but you will know about more content soon enough! 

Thank you for your support to this story, it means a lot to me! 

See you next chapter!

**Author's Note:**

> See you next chapter.


End file.
